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Custody Buddy Podcast: Turning Struggles into Strength
Navigating a custody battle or co-parenting challenges? The Custody Buddy Podcast is your supportive companion, offering practical advice, emotional guidance, and expert insights to empower parents through every step of post-separation life. From the importance of proper documentation to managing mental health and building resilience, we dive deep into the topics that matter most. Join us as we explore real-life stories, interview legal experts, and provide actionable tips to help you protect your rights and build a stable future for you and your children. Whether you’re documenting incidents, co-parenting, or preparing for court, this podcast is here to inspire and uplift you on your journey.
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CustodyBuddy's Podcast
Unveiling the Love Economy: The Hidden Roles of Marriage and Divorce
What is marriage truly designed to solve beyond love and companionship? We sit down with James, a seasoned divorce lawyer famous for handling high-profile cases, to tackle this provocative question. You're invited to explore the complexities of marriage and divorce, where astonishingly, 86% of divorced individuals find their way back to marriage within five years. We unravel the societal allure of marriage, diving into the concept of a "love economy" where prenups serve as instruments acknowledging both tangible and intangible contributions. It's about more than just dividing assets; it's about recognizing each partner's unique offering to the relationship's foundation.
Our conversation doesn't stop there. We delve into the essential practices that nurture thriving relationships, focusing on the understated power of appreciation and open communication. James shares his insights on the impact of small gestures and introduces his "hit send now" philosophy, advocating for honest conversations even when they're tough. Through authentic communication and conscious effort, we invite you to embrace the beautifully evolving nature of relationships, drawing from moments when you've felt truly loved. With these tools, learn to enhance the quality and depth of your connections, making love a constant, authentic journey.
Okay, so are you ready to dive into some of the realities around marriage and divorce?
Speaker 2:Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Because this deep dive gets surprisingly deep and I think, it's going to be really interesting for our listeners, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So we're going to be talking about marriage and divorce and we're starting off with a statistic that kind of blew my mind. Okay, 86%, that's right. 86% of people who go through a divorce end up remarried, wow, within five years. Yeah, 86%, that's right. 86% of people who go through a divorce end up remarried, wow, within five years. Yeah, five years. You would think, after all of that emotional baggage and legal paperwork, most people would swear off marriage forever, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it seems kind of counterintuitive, doesn't it? Totally, but I think it speaks to this deeply ingrained, you know, belief in the institution of marriage.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're fascinated by it, even if the success rate is less than ideal.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like we're all collectively holding our breath, hoping this time it will be different. Yeah, and to help us kind of unpack this enduring appeal of marriage, we're tapping into the wisdom of James.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:He is a divorce lawyer who specializes in high profile cases.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:So he's seen it all. He's seen it all and he's not afraid to tell it like it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, what he really highlights is that, despite this high failure rate, there's still this huge societal expectation to get married.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Which kind of begs the question what problem is marriage actually designed to solve?
Speaker 1:Right. Is it just about love and companionship, or is there something more at play here?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a really good question.
Speaker 1:It's not like we question the purpose of a mug, you know.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like we use it, we don't even think twice about it. But marriage James compares it to a complex piece of technology with way more moving parts, yeah, and a way higher chance of things going haywire.
Speaker 2:That's a great analogy.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and to complicate matters further, you know legal changes oh yeah, it's like those tax laws around alimony can totally change the terms of a marriage agreement years down the line.
Speaker 1:Years after you've signed on the dotted line.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Wow, so it's a contract unlike any other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which brings us to the often dreaded P word.
Speaker 1:Prenups.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I can feel some listeners hitting the skip ahead button right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You're like I'm out.
Speaker 1:But hold on, Because James makes a really fascinating point about prenups being more than just like a cold hard list of who gets what if things go south.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not just about the stuff. He things go south. Yeah, it's not just about the stuff. He really highlights how the conversation around the prenup is where the real magic happens Okay. It forces couples to define their own unique love economy.
Speaker 1:Okay, love economy. I like that. I'm intrigued.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Break it down for me.
Speaker 2:Okay, so think about it In any relationship, partners bring different kinds of value to the table. Partners bring different kinds of value to the table, right, yeah, it's not always a 50-50 split in every area.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:For example, let's say one partner is a successful entrepreneur, constantly jet setting, building their empire.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:They might thrive on having a partner who brings stability and grounding to their chaotic world. Yeah, someone who cherishes creating a warm and welcoming home.
Speaker 1:So it's not just about a financial bottom line. It's about recognizing that each person's contributions have value, even if they're not always tangible or easily quantifiable.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and that's what that prenup conversation can uncover. Okay, it's about openly acknowledging and valuing those unique contributions, making sure both partners feel seen and appreciated for what they bring to the table.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:Like James says, when done right, a prenup conversation isn't about planning for failure.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But rather about proactively building a stronger and more resilient foundation for the relationship.
Speaker 1:Okay, I like that, take on it. Yeah, it's not about planning for the end, it's about really laying the groundwork for something that's gonna laugh it's about intentionality yeah right from the start so it's less about dividing things up in case of a split and more about understanding and valuing what each person brings to the relationship right from the get-go yeah.
Speaker 2:I like that and that clarity, you know, that sense of being on the same page, could be incredibly powerful.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:In fact, James shared this story about a client who was dead set against getting a prenup.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:He was head over heels for his fiancee, completely smitten. No. But James, having seen countless couples walk through his door, could sense some red flags.
Speaker 1:I love a good cautionary tale Right.
Speaker 2:What was it about this couple that set off the alarm bells? Well, for starters, there was a significant age gap OK, not necessarily a deal breaker, of course, but something to consider. Sure, and the client, while financially successful, was also incredibly trusting, almost to a fault.
Speaker 1:So the classic blinded by love scenario.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:I bet James was worried this guy wouldn't be able.
Speaker 2:Precisely, and that's where those prenup conversations, even if they feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, can be so valuable.
Speaker 1:Totally.
Speaker 2:They force you to bring logic into the equation.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To have those crucial conversations about finances expectations.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Even potential deal breakers, before they become explosive issues down the line.
Speaker 1:It's like relationship preventative care.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Addressing those potential issues before they turn into major infections.
Speaker 2:It's about building that strong foundation right from the start. I like it. And speaking of potentially tricky topics, okay, james also talks about the rise of fidelity clauses in prenups.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:You know those clauses that impose financial penalties for cheating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've heard of those Right. Sounds messy.
Speaker 2:Except, as James points out, it's not as simple as catching someone in a lie or uncovering a secret affair.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Defining cheating in legal terms gets complicated fast.
Speaker 1:Oh, I bet.
Speaker 2:What constitutes infidelity in the eyes of the law?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Is emotional cheating weighted the same as physical infidelity?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And who gets to decide where that line is drawn?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a tough one.
Speaker 2:It is a tough one.
Speaker 1:I imagine there are some big gender differences in how infidelity is perceived too. Absolutely Right.
Speaker 2:James says he's noticed that men often fixate on the physical aspect.
Speaker 1:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 2:Was there sex, yes or no?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:For them, that's often the defining factor. Wow, was there sex, yes or no? Okay, for them, that's often the defining factor. Wow. Whereas women, while certainly not dismissive of physical infidelity, are often more deeply affected by the emotional betrayal. Right, it's that sense of does he even love me anymore?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That cuts the deepest.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's so insightful and it really highlights how much remains unspoken in so many relationships. It does. But getting back to those fidelity clauses, I'm curious does James think they're actually effective?
Speaker 2:Well, he makes an interesting point.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:He says that cheating in and of itself already comes with severe consequences.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:There's that immediate breakdown of trust, of course, the emotional fallout no-transcript.
Speaker 1:Have back in the day.
Speaker 2:It's an interesting observation. Maybe it's because they've seen the fallout of messy divorces firsthand or are acutely aware of the financial stakes involved. Or maybe it's the influence of social media.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely. Social media feeds this constant stream of perfect relationships, which can create these really unrealistic expectations and ultimately leave people feeling dissatisfied with their own partnerships. It's hard to compete with those carefully curated highlight reels.
Speaker 2:You're preaching to the choir.
Speaker 1:I know right.
Speaker 2:And that brings us to a topic that many couples still struggle to discuss openly and honestly.
Speaker 1:What's that?
Speaker 2:Sex.
Speaker 1:As.
Speaker 2:James so bluntly puts it it's the glue that holds a romantic relationship together. It's what differentiates a spouse from a roommate.
Speaker 1:Right, because you can be roommates with anybody.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:And yet it's still so taboo to talk about it is Especially in a way that's open and honest.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Without judgment or shame.
Speaker 2:It's still so hush-hush.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which I'm guessing leads to a whole lot of problems down the line.
Speaker 1:I would imagine so.
Speaker 2:When we avoid those difficult conversations about our needs, our desires, even our disappointments, it creates a breeding ground for resentment and frustration, and that's a recipe for disaster in any relationship.
Speaker 1:And, as James points out, if sex isn't a priority in a relationship, right. If it's something you're avoiding rather than embracing, yeah. Then what truly separates two spouses from simply being roommates with a joint bank account and a shared Netflix password?
Speaker 2:That is the question, isn't it, it really is. And one that more couples should be asking themselves, because, at the end of the day, it's about maintaining that spark, that intimate connection that drew you to each other in the first place. That's what we're talking about.
Speaker 1:Right. It's about remembering that you're not just cohabitating, you're sharing a life together.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Which reminds me of that link James mentioned between a decline in sex, job loss, yes, and ultimately divorce, yeah.
Speaker 2:It seems like those things often go hand in hand, especially for men.
Speaker 1:It's a fascinating, albeit somewhat disheartening correlation, isn't it?
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:And it speaks to how deeply intertwined our personal and professional lives can be. For sure, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's almost like when that external validation of career success takes a hit. It can ripple into their sense of self-worth and, in turn, impact their romantic relationships. It's a complex issue, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And while there are no easy answers, awareness is always a good first step.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Recognizing these patterns.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:These societal scripts we often unknowingly follow can help us make more conscious choices in our own lives and relationships.
Speaker 1:So if we're talking about making conscious choices, yes. I'm curious to hear what James has to say about navigating those choppy relationship waters. Does he offer any advice on how to stay afloat when things start to feel a little rocky?
Speaker 2:He does.
Speaker 1:So how do we weather those inevitable relationship storms?
Speaker 2:Well, James is a big advocate for what he calls preventative maintenance for relationships.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And it doesn't involve grand gestures or expensive therapy retreats, right, it's about those small, consistent actions we take to nurture the connection.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Even, or perhaps especially, when things are going well.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm all about keeping things simple, especially when it comes to relationships.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So spill the tea. What are some of James's top tips for this preventative maintenance?
Speaker 2:One of his favorites is surprisingly simple Leave a loving note for your partner.
Speaker 1:Really yeah, just a note. Just a note, I can do that.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it doesn't have to be a Shakespearean sonnet. Even a sticky note on the bathroom mirror that says have a great day, beautiful, can go a long way.
Speaker 1:It's like saying hey, even when I'm rushing out the door, you're on my mind.
Speaker 2:Exactly Love that, and it's about making it a regular practice.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Just like you wouldn't skip brushing your teeth for a week. Right, make a conscious effort to show your partner you care, even in small ways, on a regular basis.
Speaker 1:It's those little deposits in the emotional bank account that add up over time, right.
Speaker 2:Precisely. And speaking of showing appreciation, James also talks about the importance of verbalizing those positive feelings.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Tell your partner what you admire about them, what you find sexy, what makes you laugh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so easy to fall into that trap of assuming our partners just know how we feel.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But hearing those words of affirmation can make a world of difference.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And on the flip side, Okay. James cautions against that all too common tendency to belittle our partners.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Even if it's just harmless teasing.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Those little digs, those backhanded compliments can chip away at the foundation of a relationship over time.
Speaker 1:It's like death by a thousand paper cuts.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:It might seem insignificant in the moment Right, but the cumulative effect can be devastating.
Speaker 2:Exactly, which brings us back to the importance of clear, honest communication.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And this is where James introduces his hits. And now philosophy.
Speaker 1:OK, you mentioned hits and now earlier.
Speaker 2:I did.
Speaker 1:And I have to know more. It sounds intriguing, it is. I mean more.
Speaker 2:OK, so think about those times you've sat down to write an important email.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:Maybe addressing a difficult issue with a friend or family member, you pour your heart out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Then you spend hours, maybe even days, rereading, revising, second guessing yourself.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm so guilty of that Right. It's like the overthinking spiral never ends.
Speaker 2:But James's advice is to hit send now.
Speaker 1:Just hit send.
Speaker 2:Get those thoughts and feelings out there before they fester and turn into something bigger and uglier. I like it Right.
Speaker 1:So it's about being brave enough to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Even if it feels a little messy or imperfect.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's about trusting your partner enough to handle your truth. Right Even if it's not always easy to hear.
Speaker 1:Right, it's about choosing courage over comfort, which, let's be honest, is easier said than done.
Speaker 2:For sure, but that's where conscious ever comes in.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's about making a choice to show up authentically in your relationship, even when it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And James even suggests framing it as a technique you're both trying to implement. Okay, you might say something like hey, remember that hit send now thing we talked about? Well, I'm going to try it right now. I need to share something that's been on my mind.
Speaker 1:I love that it takes the pressure off.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it creates a safe space for honesty.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's about creating a space where you both feel seen, heard and respected, even when you're navigating those tougher conversations.
Speaker 1:It makes you wonder, though, after witnessing so many relationships fall apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Does James still believe in love?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. I mean really, and it might surprise you to know that he does. He very much believes in love? That's a great question, I mean really. And it might surprise you to know that he does. He very much believes in love, really? Yes, but he also has a more nuanced perspective on it now. He says that after years of dealing with divorce, he sees more clearly than most how fragile love can be.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How easily it can slip through our fingers.
Speaker 1:That's a really good point, you know, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like that, saying you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:But his point is don't wait until it's gone to appreciate what you have Right. And it's not just about romantic love.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's about cherishing those connections, those moments of human connection that make life so rich and meaningful, those little everyday moments human connection that make life so rich and meaningful, those little everyday moments.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly so. Instead of fearing those relationship failures, what if we embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning.
Speaker 2:That's a powerful reframe it is. What if, instead of seeing a breakup as a personal failing Okay we viewed it as a stepping stone Okay On the path to becoming a more evolved, self-aware version of ourselves?
Speaker 1:Love that. It's about recognizing that every relationship, even the ones that don't last forever, teaches us something valuable about ourselves and what we truly desire in a partner.
Speaker 2:And that brings us back to that intriguing statistic we started with. Yeah, 86% of people who get divorced end up remarried within five years.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's not about finding the perfect relationship, but about embracing the journey with all of its messy, imperfect glory.
Speaker 1:So if we're constantly evolving, shouldn't our relationships be allowed to evolve as well?
Speaker 2:It's a question worth pondering, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:It really is, and on that note, I think we've given our listeners plenty to think about today.
Speaker 2:We have, and if you're still listening, yeah. We'll leave you with this final thought Think back to a time when you felt truly loved. What made that experience so special?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And how can you bring more of those qualities, those feelings, into your own relationships?
Speaker 1:Maybe it's a simple act of kindness. Yes A heartfelt conversation or just taking the time to truly see and appreciate your partner for the amazing, complex human they are.
Speaker 2:Beautifully said.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And on that note we'll wrap up this deep dive into the world of love, marriage and everything in between.
Speaker 1:Until next time. Thanks for joining us.