CustodyBuddy's Podcast
Custody Buddy Podcast: Turning Struggles into Strength
Navigating a custody battle or co-parenting challenges? The Custody Buddy Podcast is your supportive companion, offering practical advice, emotional guidance, and expert insights to empower parents through every step of post-separation life. From the importance of proper documentation to managing mental health and building resilience, we dive deep into the topics that matter most. Join us as we explore real-life stories, interview legal experts, and provide actionable tips to help you protect your rights and build a stable future for you and your children. Whether you’re documenting incidents, co-parenting, or preparing for court, this podcast is here to inspire and uplift you on your journey.
Tune in to turn your struggles into strength. Your story is powerful – let’s share it with the world.
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CustodyBuddy's Podcast
Breaking the Chains: Understanding the Complexities of Escaping Domestic Violence
In this powerful episode of Breaking the Chains, we explore the real-life challenges survivors face when trying to leave abusive relationships. đź’” Our guest, a dedicated advocate for survivors, unpacks the emotional, financial, and psychological barriers that make escaping domestic violence far more complicated than it seems. đź’ˇ
We dive into: 🔗 Why “just leaving” isn’t that simple ⚠️ How violence often escalates when an abuser feels they’re losing control 🧠The hidden ways abusers manipulate through mental health coercion ⏳ Why trauma can delay a survivor’s ability to speak out
If you've ever wondered why it’s so difficult for survivors to leave or how to provide better support, this episode is for you. 🙏 It’s time to break the stigma, ask the right questions, and create safer spaces for those affected by abuse. ❤️
Resources Mentioned: 📲 National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health (NCDBTMH) 🏠Local domestic violence shelters & hotlines offering confidential, free support
Tune in to learn how we can all be part of the solution. 🌟 #SupportSurvivors #BreakingTheChains #DomesticViolenceAwareness
Learn More: https://custodybuddy.com/
domestic violence. It's one of those things. We hear the phrase, but do we really get it? You know?
Speaker 2:what I mean.
Speaker 1:You've sent us some really intense sources on this, and it seems like you're ready to go deeper, to uncover the stuff most people don't talk about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And we are so lucky to have you with us today. You've spent years working with survivors, really getting to the heart of what domestic violence really is.
Speaker 2:I have. Yeah, it's been quite a journey and you know, one thing that always strikes me is how much people misunderstand the whole idea of just leaving.
Speaker 1:Right, like it's as simple as deciding to order takeout instead of cooking.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's way more complicated. I mean, one thing that throws people off is how often couples actually try to reconcile, even in really bad situations.
Speaker 1:And that doesn't mean they're OK with the abuse, right.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not, but it shows just how many factors are at play, things that make leaving feel impossible.
Speaker 1:You know the sources you sent really hammered that home that leaving is an easy thing. What is it that makes it so hard?
Speaker 2:okay, picture this you're a woman, maybe you don't have a lot of money, you're scared for your kids and leaving. Leaving could mean being totally alone, maybe even homeless, right, right. Plus, you've got this person, someone you're trying to get away from, and they're threatening you, manipulating you. It's terrifying, especially and this is important, especially for women.
Speaker 1:It's like the danger just multiplies when you try to leave.
Speaker 2:Exactly when an abuser thinks they're losing control, things can get really bad really fast. That's why having someone there family, friends, a shelter, anyone it can be the difference between life and death.
Speaker 1:So just telling someone get out? It's not helpful, it's actually-.
Speaker 2:Harmful yeah.
Speaker 1:Because it ignores all that other stuff they're dealing with.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent and this kind of leads into another myth that it's all about drugs or alcohol, like that's the root of the problem.
Speaker 1:Oh right.
Speaker 2:Now, sure, those things can make abuse worse, but often it's the other way around the abuse comes first.
Speaker 1:So it's not the cause, it's another symptom another way for the abuser to control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they might push their partner to use or even like mess with their therapy or meds Anything to hold on to that power.
Speaker 1:It's just. It's like they're trying to crush the other person. Take away who they are.
Speaker 2:That's the point, unfortunately, and the worst part is, these abusers can be so good at hiding it.
Speaker 1:Oh, tell me about it.
Speaker 2:They're charming, they seem put together, especially when they're with new people.
Speaker 1:The classic Jekyll and Hyde.
Speaker 2:Exactly so, then, when the survivor tries to tell their story, no one believes them.
Speaker 1:Because who wants to think that charming person could be so cruel?
Speaker 2:It's all about control, building this fake persona to keep the survivor trapped.
Speaker 1:It's like they're building a wall around the person. Yeah, making them feel like they're going crazy.
Speaker 2:You got it and this is where that mental health coercion comes in. The sources you sent they really dug into that. It's insidious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't even know that was a thing until I read these. What does that actually look like in real life, though?
Speaker 2:OK, imagine someone hiding their partner's meds or like oh, you have therapy today. I forgot to tell you I need the car Stuff. Like that, oh my God. Or, even worse, threatening to get them committed, like, if you don't shut up about this, I'll tell them you're unstable.
Speaker 1:That's terrifying, and the thing is, people already feel ashamed to talk about mental health.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. It's like another layer of pressure keeping them silent. The big takeaway is abuse isn't always a black eye. It's about control, and that comes in a lot of forms.
Speaker 1:So they can't just like look at someone and assume we know what they're going through. Which makes me think about that whole delayed disclosure thing, like why would someone wait to say anything at all?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it happens more often than you'd think. Part of it is the trauma itself. It can seriously mess with your memory.
Speaker 1:Like your brain's trying to protect you, but it backfires.
Speaker 2:Exactly, plus there's the fear. What if no one believes me? What if they come after me?
Speaker 1:Especially because sometimes, even when someone does speak up, people blame them. It's like, well, why didn't you leave? It's infuriating.
Speaker 2:It's awful. We need everyone cops, doctors, lawyers, everyone to understand how trauma works, to respond with compassion.
Speaker 1:Totally so. We've got the trauma, the fear. You also mentioned cultural things that can make it hard to talk about.
Speaker 2:Right, Some cultures. There's so much pressure to keep quiet, to protect the family name, but all that does is protect the abuser.
Speaker 1:It's like talk about an impossible, impossible situation, and often they're all alone.
Speaker 2:That's why we need support that gets it Right, you know, that understands different cultures and beliefs, where anyone can feel safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, where someone can actually be heard without feeling judged, no pressure.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and this is kind of related to the whole thing about psychological evaluations. You know those tests.
Speaker 1:Right To prove abuse is real, yeah, but your sources said those aren't always reliable.
Speaker 2:It's not that simple. Everyone handles trauma differently. There's no one size fits all test, and sometimes those tests just make the survivor feel worse, like they're being examined under a microscope.
Speaker 1:So it's not enough to just have the test. You need the whole story.
Speaker 2:Exactly A good therapist, a good investigator. They'll look at everything, what the survivor says, any evidence witnesses, the whole picture.
Speaker 1:It's like you can't just have one clue. You've got to find all the pieces.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's more than just checking a box. And that takes me back to something we talked about earlier Language. The words we use, they matter.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, like, instead of asking why didn't you just leave?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you said it'd be better to ask.
Speaker 1:What would make you feel safer? Right, it sounds so small, but it changes everything.
Speaker 2:Because it shows you're actually trying to understand, yeah, that you're on their side, no matter what they decide to do.
Speaker 1:It's about respect, you know, recognizing that they're going through something really tough and they're doing their best.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and that's what survivors need to hear that their experience is real, that they're not alone and there are people who want to help.
Speaker 1:Speaking of. If someone's listening to this right now and they're dealing with this, or they know someone who is, what can they do? Are there resources?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. There are some amazing organizations out there. One that comes to mind is the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma and Mental Health, NCDBTMH.
Speaker 1:I've heard of them yeah.
Speaker 2:Their website is a gold mine of information, and they do great training for professionals too.
Speaker 1:We'll be sure to link that in the show notes so people can find it easily.
Speaker 2:Perfect and don't forget about your local domestic violence shelter or hotline. They're confidential, they're free and they can be a real lifeline for someone who feels totally lost.
Speaker 1:It's good to remember. No matter how bad it feels, there's always somewhere to turn someone who gets it.
Speaker 2:And healing. It's a journey, right. It takes time, there's no one right way to do it, but asking for help is never the wrong move.
Speaker 1:This has been wow. This has been really eye-opening. Thank you so much for talking about all this with us today.
Speaker 2:Of course it was important to talk about really important.
Speaker 1:Now, as always, we've got to leave you with something to think about, something to chew on. Right, we talked about how often people go back to their abusers, even when it's really bad. So the question is how can we all of us do a better job of supporting survivors, no matter what they decide to do? What needs to change? That's what we need to figure out, and hopefully this conversation is just the start. Keep asking questions, everyone. We'll see you next time.